Image taken from Netflix “I Am Not An Easy Man” – watch it for more insight in our differences!
Do you know the reasons you and your male partner approach sex differently?
There are assumptions that men are goal oriented and women are pleasure oriented. This means the man is all about the goal of orgasm, and for us women, well the reason we like a lot of foreplay is because it brings pleasure. Sometimes we don’t orgasm, but that’s ok if we have experienced pleasure. If our pleasure is an orgasm goal, then we might be left feeling a little disappointed.
How being pleasure oriented affects the rest of your life
Are you judging your life on male-oriented goals? If you already feel like a pleasure seeker, embrace that and do more of it.
For example, you could have a quick shower to get clean, or you could light some candles, run a bath and read a book while you soak – which would give you more pleasure?
Other ways to find pleasure in everyday life?
Cooking – sorry – it’s a cliche, but I love it. To make it even more pleasureable I throw some electronica or jazz on the Sonos and get in the zone of whatever I’m making.
Spend a good 15 minutes patting your cat or dog. No phones, nothing else, just you and your pet. Don’t have a pet? I’m sure you can find one on the street that would love some pats, or even better, take one for a walk and cuddles from an animal rescue shelter.
Do you see a theme here? These are mostly about slowing the fuck down. You will find the pleasure is in doing something without rushing, enjoying the moment, rather than the goal.
When you start to seek more pleasure in your day, you will feel happier, and you will find it easier to find pleasure, especially in your sexual relationships.
In the book, Where Did My Libido Go by Dr Rosie King, she encourages women to seek out daily pleasures in order to feel more in the mood. And she’s not talking about daily sexual pleasures.
It doesn’t have to be “doing things” like the above examples, it might be as simple as putting some flowers on your desk or lighting a candle or even regularly listening to your favourite music.
Think mindfulness as a start to cultivating your daily pleasures.
Remember your body is all connected, so your thoughts, actions, physical wellness all contribute to your “pleasure bank”.
If you are unhealthy, you are missing out on your body being able to give you maximum pleasure.
Making small daily changes such as eating better, getting some exercise and daily meditation are all ways to massively increase your pleasure, which will also improve your life and longevity.
The simple things that you know you should be doing.
Make small changes now and start increasing your daily pleasure.